Benji

I was on edge pretty much most of my life.

I grew up seeing a lot of violence and my house was very unsettled.

There was a lot of drugs, a lot of alcohol, and not much love.

I would spend a lot of time trying to shelter my little sister from it all.

My dad left when I was about eight, and I was left to do my own thing.

I was looking for purpose and acceptance, and found it in the older lads on the estate.

By ten, I was smoking weed and drinking.

Then I started committing crime and fighting, and was selling drugs by 14.

School was lonely. I didn’t fit in. Most people were from a more middle-class background, and only a few of us from the council estate.

I became a bully because it was the only way I could deal with not having any friends, and because it’s what I saw happening in my own family.

By 16, I went from selling weed to selling class A’s. I did that for about 20 years.

In 2024, my using got really heavy.

I’d lost all my friends, and pretty much all of my family. My kids were embarrassed to be around me.

I sold all my possessions for drug money and ended up homeless, sofa surfing around different crack houses.

I’d destroyed everything.

Then I checked myself into rehab.

At rehab, I told my life story. Even though I was out of faith, I mentioned that my grandad was a reverend and my family were Christians. Then Craig, who was at rehab with me, invited me to church with him.

At first, going to church made me sad.

It reminded me of my grandad, who I hadn’t really grieved because of my addiction.

But slowly, that sadness turned to happiness as I realised my grandad would’ve just been happy that I was going to church.

I didn’t start believing in God straightaway. I started the Alpha Course and began reading the Bible and saw how the evidence was pointing to all this being real. I got baptised a few weeks later.

When I first came to ACT, everyone was really welcoming.

There were many other people with similar stories. They became my friends and helped me grow in my faith.

Over time, they’ve become people I can trust, which is massive for me. I don’t trust many people and I didn’t think I ever would.

I started helping to cook the ACT Monday Night Meal.

I enjoy cooking for people. I’m from an Indian background – it’s part of our culture.

I also know what it’s like to be lonely, hungry, and in addiction – that’s what a lot of Monday Night guests go through.

Some of the guests are in really low places but still smile and try to make it through. It gives me a lot of hope.

Serving other people like this makes me feel closer to God, because it’s not something I would’ve done before he was in my life.

The ACT team goes above and beyond to make things happen for people. I’ve never known anything like it.

Admitting you need help takes getting used to and I’ve always supported myself. But ACT has made it easier for me to accept support. I’m very grateful for that. I think God is the biggest supporter of ACT.

Now I’m in an ACT house.

It’s a home.

It’s allowed me to progress out of rehab – I’ve started going to university to study law and spending more time with my kids.

I never thought I’d be living this life I’m living now.

I’m 18 months clean. I have a home. I’ve rebuilt relationships with a lot of people, not everyone – some relationships might not be salvageable – but that’s okay.

I’m learning to be a good dad.

I’m not perfect, but I’m much better than I was.

My kids’ mum and I co-parent really well, which is something me and her never saw growing up.

I’m reconnecting with some of my best friends. I’ve made new friends. I’ve done a 180, I suppose.

One day I want to start my own charity.

Jesus would have been caring for other people, and that’s what I want to do.

I want to help people, like the people who’ve helped me.